Faith, Love, and Harmony

I was raised Christian. More specifically, Christian Reformed. And recently we've been attending services in the church I went to as a girl. There's something comforting about that, especially attending services with someone who like yourself, questions the sanctity of the message sometimes, holds your hand while you pray, and tolerates you giggling when the hymn of the day is the same one that was in an episode of Mr. Bean.

While I question some of the tenets, and struggle with parts of the Bible, I still maintain that someone is keeping an eye on me. How else could I have gotten through cancer, divorce, and parenting a special needs child? (I also think there is no perfect religion that aligns with all of one's checkboxes, and take it with a grain of salt. I've taken a few quizzes on what "kind" of Christian I am and have come up with everything from Quaker to Episcopal to Post-Evangelical.)

To that end, I generally have a real easy time with believing that there's a master plan - it's almost like I have to, to come to terms with what has happened to me so far - both the good and not-so-good.

But sometimes, it's good to have the more concrete reassurances of my loved ones and friends, who can tell me that they've got my back in a no-nonsense sort of way.

Most often when I'm looking for "something" I can find it in the day-to-day: the smile on Luke's face when we're doing something fun together or I've made him laugh; the look Michael will give me across the dinner table as we share the end of our day.....but even more so in music. That's where I find peace and am able to submit myself to something even bigger than myself. Is that seeing God in the everyday? In my loved ones and myself? I dunno. What I do know is that a combo-mixture of all of the above help me get through both the day-to-day and the big stuff. And to me, that's what feeling blessed is all about.

(Another source of media that helps is Lamb, by Christopher Moore. I know it's fiction. But for some reason, that book helps me kind of decipher what religion is and what it means. And it's funny.)