A Work in Progress

Parenthood is a journey. Not an easy one.

Being a parent is hard.
Being a working parent is harder.
Being a working parent who shares custody of her child is even harder.
Being a working parent who shares custody of her special needs child is hardest.

Luke is thriving. He's had a fantastic summer, his speech has made some great strides this summer, he's interested in playing with other children - all good things.

There are still meltdowns. There are still negotiations. There are still times I'm wondering, "Am I even doing this right?"

But I must say, I now know my Little Bear better than I did a few years ago. I gave up many battles. Why? Because it just ain't worth it. Why argue with Luke over having to fix things that are awry in the supermarket? Is it bothering anyone? No. Why argue with Luke over being cranky when 10 minutes in his room on his own, he has calmed himself down, and realizes now we can have fun/read together/have dinner?

I didn't get to this place easily. Sometimes I still have to remind myself, "It doesn't matter that he's tapping every roadside sign while we walk" or "It's not hurting a darn soul that he's plucking each dandelion".

He's still learning to navigate his world and I'm still learning to navigate overseeing his world.

Here's a great blog post that says this so much more succinctly thank I do:

http://musingsofanaspie.com/2013/01/05/the-importance-of-the-pasta-on-the-left/

I try to be like James' mom. I really do. Some days it's easier than others.

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or.....climb ev'ry mountain, or......don't rain on my parade. Feel free to insert whatever show tune lyric that relates to new beginnings that you choose.

I've been inspired (or strong-armed, or.....nudged) into resurrecting the blog. For my well-being or the greater public's, I dunno. But it seemed wrong to continue blathering into the last blog I had that chronicled a life I stopped living.

What's different?

-I'm no longer married.
-I'm living in a (wait for it) mobile home (honest, they really do exist on Long Island).
-I have 50/50 custody of my amazing little boy. It sucks. For me. For the little bear, it's fair and gives him time with 2 parents that love him to the moon and back.

What's the same?

-Little Bear is still delicious. Still has special needs. Still makes me melt and breaks my heart every day in a million ways.
-I'm still a cellist. Playing for whomever will pay me. Which I guess makes me something of a cello 'ho.
-I still love food, so I'm sure that will be mentioned from time to time.
-I still get excited and happy over the tiniest things - whether it's a new soap from Lush or a cupcake. (See? Still a food-hound.)
-I'm STILL in grad school. But I finish in December. Which seems utterly surreal.

What's new?

-We have a cat. No, really. We do. And she's still in one piece. And she's pretty darn cute. Michael named her Iffy. Short for Iphigenia. Little Bear insists that's her name. Regardless of me wanting to name her something like Frida (a female cat with a mustache!) or Liza (Michael's other brilliant suggestion since she's a tuxedo cat).
-Michael. I could say a million things, and still be woefully missing something about how amazing that is. Suffice it to say, he laughs at my jokes, thinks Little Bear is wonderful, says the most perfect things at the right times and on our third (?) date engaged me in a Sondheim duet. Need I say more?
-I'm inching towards something akin to vegetarianism. Sort of. I don't think I'll ever be able to give up bacon or my dad's chicken cutlets, but there are more meatless days than not.
-And God willing I'll have a new job soon. Don't ask.

What am I going to blog about now? Whatever I darn feel like. Most likely the Little Bear and how life with (and sometimes out) him are challenging, fulfilling, awe-inspiring, and chaotic. The whole special needs thing is still throwing me for a loop sometimes. But I wouldn't trade him for the world. He's the best thing to pop into my life, that's for sure. Music? For sure. Gigs? hopefully. Food? For darn tootin'.

But one thing I have noticed in reading other blogs - sometimes it's just nice to read about someone else's journey and think, "I'm not going crazy" or "There's someone else out there going through the same thing" or "YES!"

So read if you want, comment if you feel and hopefully you can grab a "I'm not going crazy" moment of your own.

It's going to be better. (More on that in a later post)